It feels very anxiety-ridden writing this post and somewhat strange, considering I'm a disabled man and we generally do not deal with violent people such as criminals nor the other violent people, the Police. For both dispense violence, though some purport to have a justification for it, or rather, both do make the same claims, don't you guys? But hear me out, in fact, do hear me out, both of you lordships of thunder, and do not read this post but turn on some kind of text-to-speech thing and listen to this post, pretending you are suffering a certain disability and close your eyes during your comprehension of this post. Do me that courtesy at least. If you can't figure it out, welcome to my world then.
So I lived in over ten places in T. and have to say, well, they were all better than the downtown core as far as safety was concerned. Even when I lived in the place that should never be named, you know the dark place Mufasa never goes to, you know, west of TO, I never once saw a machine gun, nor a normal gun. Nor did I hear anyone unload ten bullets within three seconds at night. Nor did I see SWAT team rappelling down a building and breaking in through the windows. Nor did I see militarized-police packed into non-descript SUVs parked like a random person would near our entrance. Nor did I run into armed to the teeth SWAT teams while going to play soccer. For all the bad that Scarbiria earned I never once saw a single bad thing there that I did living near the CN Tower. And do note I am partially sighted, so if I saw it, and if I am anxious living here, imagine how others feel, whom might have better eyes but may be even weaker than me. But what I never experienced living in other parts of the OT is being locked for hours in a cold room to a point of freezing and shaking from cold while crying repeatedly due to fear and anxiety while cops with guns waited patiently outside as I wondered why I'm almost naked with cameras watching over me and only being given a single white sheet after all of that time had passed. That I never experienced even in a third world country where I'm from. That I experienced only in Toronto and why is beyond my low IQ level of comprehension. But the boys in blue have a rationale, and like I started this post, everyone has a justification for their misdeeds, even those protecting us from the criminal ones. It's just that, well, us victims do not know nor can grasp them. But apparently it was for my health and safety that I was made to suffer this much. Then again, the gangs in this world say the same things as to why they're doing things their way, too. From my nearly blind perspective, both sides, cops and robbers, are one and the same camp - people with power, entrenched in a violence of control, over those of us without even a bite to eat. I don't care for either to be honest, I really don't. I'm just trying to eat something better than ninety-nine cent tofu meals every day while watching the two of you biggots fight it out on our school yard.
All that aside, let me explain the purpose of this simple post. I was walking home one day up the stairwell as the elevators are so poorly maintained I do not wish to be stuck at 3am on a random floor as already happened - especially after reading of a woman who got locked in a building's elevators for a month and well, didn't fare well. The thing that happened that evening was I saw a jacket on the floor at the top the stairs, and thought someone on that floor left it. So I picked up the jacket to put it near the elevator and tried to enter the floor. I open the door and what greeted me was a grey suit dressed man with giant black boots with a machine gun in his hands! I stood there mesmerized! Near him were two other officers with helmets on. I was like a deer in headlights. "This is not happening!". And "I'm going to die!". What else is a disabled man supposed to think? Was I supposed to smile and ask "Is this your jacket officer?". Stuff like that isn't what I link to any memories of Canada nor what any of us immigrants whom escaped war torn regions should be accustomed to. And yet it makes sense. I live in a poor building, and if someone wanted to assault our nation, the cheapest entry point to our beautiful land are cheap apartments, right? But I grasped all this much later. In that instant, my heart shifted to fifth gear from the first and my car stalled. And at this point the SWAT guy said "Whatchoo want?". When a man with an actual machine gun full of bullets asks you that question and you are panicking out of your mind already, the answer, believe it or not, does not come readily. I stood there confused, almost drooling. Not one word existed in my brain. I forgot every language I spoke, even Perl vanished! For some reason I was thinking XOR AL, MOV 13h, it's as if my brain was trying to distract itself. But I knew if I said these commands the whole event would've taken a turn for the worse. So I just stood there in front of the armed SWAT dude blinking. I held a jacket in my hand which I totally forgot about. Thank God he said "What?". I just lifted my hand with the jacket, and said "This was on the floor, officer". The guy looked at me surprised and said "Where? What floor?". I think he had no idea what I was talking about nor did I speak English at that moment, my brain didn't even comprehend they were dealing with some kind of hostage situation in one of the apartments. I think ultimately they broke a window from the outside to get into whatever place they were going into. Stuff I'd only seen Mr. McLane do, obviously. So I let the good officer know the jacket was on the stairwell of their floor and he said "Be on your way". And I continued my merry way.
Still to this day whenever I walk up and down the stairwells I listen twice as hard for any noises coming from any floors trying desperately not to run into men with machine guns. Now this building is so anxiety-ridden for me that I have little peace. Since I am poor I sometimes record vocals in stairwells for my music due to the awesome acoustic qualities. But now I wonder, what if I'm recording a particular percussion hit while SWAT's in the house? Will my banging on the railing make them shoot me? Simple joys of life like these I now must curtail all because someone somewhere has a stick up their behind. Whether it is a criminal or the overlords protecting us I care not. I want to feel free to enjoy my peaceful meager existence guys. And both of you, blue and black alike are getting in the way. So stop it, k? Let me smash plates together in the stairwell without worrying of magic bullets that killed JFK. Let me sing Gregorian chants and pretend I'm a monk without your overbearing Little Sister protectorates. Do let us mere mortals, unarmed and unharmful, yell "BOOYAKASHA" and count the seconds of reverberation's echos. Because the moment you prevent us from doing this, is the moment you all became public enemy number one, no matter what it says on your beautiful new cruisers, or on your thug-gang-sitez. I don't care about either of you, get it yet? I care about the echo in the stairwell, boss.
So why am I ranting? Well, apparently, cheap housing means police always parked in front of my door. This is so anxiety provoking especially given all that I outlined above, that I certainly have no comment that is complimentary. But what I'd like to suggest is a different strategy. Unless it is a dire emergency, do not park your cruisers in front of the entrances of rentals. This makes everyone seem really really nervous. Taxis, Wheel-Trans and such should be parking momentarily at entrances, not cruisers. Those you should park a bit aways from the entrances. It causes less anxiety as people will think it's unrelated or non-urgent. Simple tactics like these could alleviate at least my personal worries. I do value being served, protected, and my peace as well as your right to the same no matter whom you are, no matter whom you play with, or associate with, no matter what circle you belong to, whether you have tattoos or oppose them. But I do not like weapons, armed, in my apartment, as has already happened, especially given that I am not even a threat to my cockroaches.
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